Gratitude and brain change

I haven’t been writing or blogging as much as I’d like to be. I have been so submerged in my world of reading and thinking that my thoughts and insights seem trite. What could I possibly have to share? Then I remember that not everyone that reads my blog is on my path with me. Not everyone is having the same insights or spending their disposable time talking goddess, brain science and consciousness, so maybe what is beginning to seem habitual to me won’t seem so obvious to someone else. Take the whole black-and-white thinking thing. I’ve been working on it for a long-while, and I’ve blogged about it before in Seeing gray, but at that point in time I hadn’t felt the full effects of a gratitude practice aiding my transformation. The two practices go hand-in-hand for me. I believe a sincere gratitude practice  (seeking out moments for which to be grateful) is helping me peel apart the stickiness of my instinctual all-or-nothing thinking.

When we don’t quickly pass something off as  good or bad, or complete success or complete failure, but instead look really closely for any positive parts of the experience, we begin to see that  every situation is made up of small moments that include many aspects of human emotion: sadness, joy, anger, embarrassment, fear, disgust and surprise.  We begin to see the richness in the fabric of our lives. With a gratitude practice we can literally re-wire our brains, training them to seek finding the beauty and meaning a priority. We can train the brain to scan our day for good, as opposed to danger, as we are biologically predisposed to do.

Shawn Achor’s happiness research support’s this claim. His research shows that we can shift from being a low-level pessimist to a low-level optimist in just 21 days. In only three weeks we can change the way we scan for information and perceive the world. And in his recent podcast with Dan Harris he shares two  simple ways to make this shift:

Come up with three original gratitudes each day and the why behind them. Be specific.

What did you appreciate about the situation? What did you see? Smell? Taste? Feel? Think? Don’t repeat the gratitudes, find new ones each day.  Be situation specific. And don’t forget finding the meaning behind the gratitude as this may help you define your values too. What about this situation makes you grateful? If you’re a gunner, (or in need of quicker transformation) you can practice numerous times throughout the day.

I’ve been up less than three hours and here’s a go:

1- I am grateful Gus climbed into my bed at 6:15 for 10 sweet minutes of snuggling because it shows me he feels comfortable expressing his need for love and physical contact while fulfilling some of my need too. His little body felt warm, his breath smelled sweetly sleepy and the street lights glowing off the snow through the window were magical.

2- I am grateful TJ took Max to his high school extra early today because I feel supported in our shared duties of getting our people where they need to go. I also appreciate that we are on the same page about our son needing an extra-curricular activity, even if it is really early. I can smell the freshly brewed coffee and feel the crisp celery in my hand as I fed it through the juicer, chatting with a sleepy eyed Max while he prepared (somewhat reluctantly) to leave the house.

3- I am grateful that what could have been a tense carpool ride to middle school this a.m. (items forgotten) ended with a joke and a laugh because it shows me that even with terse words and expressions exchanged, the tough moments can be acknowledged, experienced, and transformed. I am remembering the darkness of the cold morning and odd music Siri choose to play for us on the ride. I remember Ted’s face as he reached for his viola and made his funny remark, and the peace I didn’t know I felt then, but I recognize now.

Now I’m on a role and can’t even stop. Here’s my extra-credit. 🙂

4- I am grateful to have spent time listening to Christmas music, sitting across from Gus, both of us at the table writing before he left for school. I can feel the brightness from my new light box, smell the richness of my coffee and feel the joy in my heart. I am grateful because my son and I share a love of writing (even if he is writing about battles and AK-47s).

5- I am grateful for dancing while watering my gorgeous houseplants. I can hear the music (Empire State of Mind — Max thinks it’s a Christmas song) and feel my beautiful body moving wildly and (sort of) to the rhythm. I am grateful for  mobility and for a bit of the earth being inside my house for me to tend.

I will stop, but I could go on. This whole bursting with gratitude thing is new for me. It’s not every day I feel this way (mercury just stopped it’s retrograde course, which helps, as does the glorious sun) but even on those gray gray days, a little practice helps me to find the light in the darkness.

Take two minutes each day and write a text or email to a person about something they have done for which you are grateful.

Read, only two minutes. You don’t need a stamp, you don’t need to be formal. Simply express your gratitude. The beauty of this practice is that you might get a response back, so not only are you rewiring your brain to search for the good, but you are also strengthening your social connection and building your social support – one of the strongest indicators for happiness and longevity.

I’ll do it now.

In 30 seconds (remember, I’ve been practicing) I came up with multiple optional recipients:

the neighbor who blew our snow Sunday morning,

the neighbor who loaned us butter to make cookies later that afternoon,

my mom, who brought dinner over for my kids while I was teaching Monday,

my in-laws, who took Gus shopping yesterday,

the friend who was gracious with me when I broke plans yesterday,

TJ, who brought me a little gift from NYC,

the student-becoming-friend whom I had coffee with yesterday.

I’ll choose her.

Dear friend,

Thank you for taking time out of your morning to have coffee with me on your day off.  I enjoyed hearing some of your story and getting to know you better. Thank you also for your articulate complement, encouraging me to keep writing. You prompted me to began again last night. 🙂 Last but not least, thank you for introducing me to the Mexican wedding cookie!  I look forward to the next time I get to see your sweet face and hear more of your story. 

Stay warm!

Katie

I can’t be sure, but it certainly seems these small but mighty gratitude practices are making big shifts in the way I perceive the world. It didn’t happen overnight, and I still can get sucked down the rabbit hole of woe-is-me, but I don’t think it happens quite as often nor is the hole quite so deep.

Namaste my readers, I am grateful for you.