October play

The end of October is almost here, and I haven’t written a thing to share. Not because nothing is noteworthy, but rather because what I’ve been wanting to write seems a tad too intimate and vulnerable and a tad too woo-woo. But the truth is, this is my favorite October on record. Anxiety still rears its head, and the threat of depression looms like it often does in this tenth month of the year, but this particular October the leaves are extra vibrant and the light more sparkly than I remember. Part of the October magic is due to the perfect climate conditions for color, but part I credit to the playful work I’ve been doing. Three times this week I saw some iteration of

what you did yesterday created today;
what you do today creates tomorrow.

I’d like to think that my actions and self-care rituals over the last few months are playing out now, one of which is setting intentions with the moon.

Super witchy, no?

With the new moon I set intentions for habits I want to cultivate and parts of my personality I want to grow as the moon grows big and fat into fullness.

With the full moon I set intentions for habits I want to drop and thinking patterns and grudges I want to release as the moon shrinks to invisible.

Each day I return to these intentions, and standing in front of the altar I build each fortnight, I light a candle and some incense and read the intentions aloud. Every. Single. Day.

How’s that for some magic?

Being so in tune with my intentions, I can’t help but be more aware of my behaviors and how I create my own reality with the words I choose, the company I keep and the actions I take. Decisions become easier and relationships cleaner.

Being so in tune to the moon, I can’t help but be more aware of my cycle and how my moods and energy levels change with the changing shape of this celestial tracker. Checking in with her on the pre-dawn and pitch black drive to middle school, I feel connection to (and participation with) Mother Nature like I never have before.

Being so in tune with Mother Nature, I can’t help but feel supported as the seasons change. The days are shortening furiously fast, and this year, instead of feeling the dread of winter so solidly, I am finding twinges of excitement in the cracks. I am grateful for the way the sun shifts and the light shimmers through the quivering leaves onto different spots in the house and yard like twinkle lights.

Being so in tune with the light, I can’t help but be drawn closer to the sun-based celebrations. We began celebrating the Winter Solstice at home years ago, as a call for more meaning and connection with the Earth, but this year Samhain (Sa-wen) is on my radar too, the half-way mark between the Fall Equinox and Winter Solstice. Like its cousins Halloween, All Saints’ Day and Day of the Dead, Samhain is marked by thinning veils between the land of the living and of those passed, between this reality and those unseen. It’s the season of imagination, divination and magic, the season of celebrating light and dark and the season of co-creating the reality in which we live.

All of this in-tune-ment, intentional attention and Mother Earth support is providing a sense peace that I didn’t know could co-exist with a racing heart, sweaty palms or a deep longing to spend the day in bed. I think the play with the moon and my intentions is helping me to understand the cyclical nature of all things a bit more tangibly. The light grows bright, it goes dim. Feelings arise, (and if I don’t mess with them too much) there they go. And if I focus my intention on my desires often enough, I just may create the playful world I want to inhabit.

Happy magic-making to you.

Boo!

A visit to my mother, from the Great Mother

Dear sweet child,

You won’t remember this vision when you wake. You’ll only feel the echo of my message, but please trust this echo, and revisit it often as you grow.

I want you to know that you are god. Holiness lives and breathes through you. There is nothing you can do to stop god from being you. You can only dim or brighten her light. You’ll know the vibrancy of this light by the signs your body gives you, so it is of upmost importance that you learn all you can about this body— about the parts you can see and the parts you can’t.

Let the body be your compass.

Make friends with the breath, the heartbeat and the pulses that respond to your surroundings. Discover the ways your body prefers to move. Know your belly and what it desires as fuel for your play.

Play with your body.

Give great care to each and every one of the body’s portals to the outside world. Pay close attention to where your body gives and receives energy; observe how it excites and how it recoils. Learn what depletes the body too. Know which environments, situations and conversations stoke the body’s fires and which dim the light.

Take exquisite care.

Know also, sweet child, that God is nature. Be in nature. Observe carefully, learn from the patterns of her plants and animals. Listen to the water and to the stones. Know in your bones that you too are nature. Study your seasons and cycles well. See your patterns. Feel your feelings.

Feel your nature.

Finally, sweet baby of mine, know that just as you are god, all other creatures on the planet are too, in various shades of dimness and brightness. Pay most attention to your light, protecting it and caring for it while letting others tend to theirs. Do not confuse your light with the light of others. Do not give permission to others to control your light.

You are the keeper of your light.
You are the keeper of your light.
You are the keeper of your light.

Sweetest dreams to you, my love. I am here.

Always.

Art credit — Priyanka Rawat Sharma

Summer invocation

Attention is the rarest and purist form of generosity. — Simone Weil

Today is the last day of non-summer break for me. Tomorrow afternoon the house will once again be full of boys. I feel the urge as I do every year to create lists: goals, expectations, screen-time rules, guidelines for sharing communal space… but I’m being pulled to approach this summer a little differently.

This summer I want to help the boys (and myself) be really aware of our energy and our attention. Where we put our attention grows. I want us all to increase our awareness of both where we are directing our attention and how our energy feels when our attention is shining in different places. Are we antsy? needing to move? to rest? to be outside? to be in water? to create? How is our energy affecting others? How is the energy of others affecting us?

I am realizing that more than I want my babes to be rule followers and contract honorers, I want them to be in touch with their ever-changing needs and desires and tuned into their relationship with their environment. I want them to understand the importance of attention and the power we can harness by placing our attention on purpose.

For little bits each day I want to focus my attention upon each one of them so fiercely the generosity is palpable.

Out beyond

I acted hastily this week, as I often do.

Interacting with the world without mindfulness frequently leads me to opportunity for apology, loss of -or damage to- personal property and the need to redo tasks. I am aware of this, and in the last few years I have slowed down significantly. That said, just last week upon leaving one of my favorite clogs in an Argentine hotel, I was witness to the mental beating I still give myself for being careless . Continue reading Out beyond