Category: Mindful musings

Last fall when the season of change was settling itself upon me I purchased the domain name mindfulmama.com. I didn’t known exactly what I would do with it, only that I was hoping it would be an impetus for me to both write and focus more intentionally and publicly on my quest to be a more mindful person. The power of accountability is undeniable. I mean, come on, if I’m writing on a website I paid way too much for with the beautifully alliterated title Mindful Mama, I surely would be less likely to scream at my kids, shame them into behavior or fight dirty with my husband. Right? Continue reading To hold or to let go?

After having spent three days with the kids up near Valentine, NE with no other adult and no electronics of any sort, I felt comfortable enough (guilt-free enough) to leave them Saturday morning to attend a yoga class and sit alone in a café for an hour, which hands-down is my favorite thing to do. It is also something I have not done one single time since school got out. Continue reading Café time

I remember sitting in a café in Berkeley days before my 25^th birthday contemplating this significant milestone. I had purchased a beautiful new journal with two goddess-like figures on it, dancing in the air with their wings outstretched, hands embracing in a big circle. On page one I wrote,

The two almost identical-looking women on the cover of my nth journal are me and myself. They beg me to unite, to complete and to express. To live. Continue reading Two girls dancing

Last night TJ and I had dinner with Eric and Paula, a couple that I was meeting for the first time, and in the course of our conversation I mentioned that I’d been teaching mindfulness classes at the kids’ school. This started us down the Mindfulness discussion highway, and I realized that though I LOVE talking Mindfulness, I really don’t have my elevator pitch down yet. Creating one, or even talking about what I’m doing is really tough for me because sometimes I feel like a fraud. Though I’ve taken a few courses, sit daily, listen to many a Mindfulness podcast, started attending group sits and devour books written by the gurus, I still yell at my kids, get overwhelmed and experience bouts of forgetfulness. All this stuff still happens, so I sometimes hesitate to promote what I’m doing. But the truth is my Mindfulness practice is changing the way I relate to all these daily life experiences. Continue reading Super soccer mom

I first became aware of my black or white thinking in college. I was a sophomore and suffering my first real bout of insomnia. All my peers were picking majors and the mere thought of deciding what I wanted to do for the rest of my life squeezed the very breath out of me. I was fine being busy throughout the day, but the second my sweet, young head hit the pillow, ¡pow! the adrenaline kicked in at full force. What if I picked the wrong degree?! Attempting to let my roommate sleep, I’d pace the dorm hallways until I ended up in the computer lab where I’d often e-mail my dad at the wee hours of the morning, the reason for which he sent me my first self-help book. I don’t remember the name or the title of the yellow paperback, but I do remember being intrigued by the author’s ability to describe so well the inner workings of my mind. This = good. That = bad. Don’t mess it up or shit will go bad. Continue reading Seeing gray

Some part of me believes that today I should feel either balanced or jubilant. After all it’s the first day of Spring, the Equinox, one of only two days a year when we experience near perfect balance between night and day, light and dark. But I am feeling neither balanced nor jubilant, and the voice in my head is incessantly chattering away: Continue reading Spring equinox

My most recent blog took me longer to compose, but upon finishing it, I was quite proud. I felt I had succeeded in putting form to the message begging to come forth. Articulation was rough, but I stuck with it because I could feel it pulsing within me, and because while wrestling with my words I experienced flow, absolutely absorbed and 100% engaged. I was pretty giddy about posting, and as I often do, I asked TJ to take a look before I shared with my little world. Continue reading Claiming my voice and karmic consequences