I attended my first full moon circle last Friday night. It was magical. Upon arriving, we each picked a goddess card. I picked
the Green Tara: Start delegating
Bor-ing. The message didn’t seem very spiritual or goddess-like. And besides, I do delegate. Max unloads the dishwasher and folds laundry, TJ does his share of the driving and perhaps more than his share of the cooking and shopping. I pay a friend to clean my house. And I think I ask for help when I need it.
I shrugged, reviewed how I had come to choose that specific card and assured myself it was because it was calling me. I decided I simply must not understand yet and told myself to be patient.
Flash forward to Sunday night, post a loud marital fight.
We’d had an amazing weekend of family togetherness, rest, domesticity, time with friends, music and shared meals. When our Sunday night movie ended (Flipped — the boys loved this coming-of-age love story) I checked my e-mail, one of which shared the following weekend’s basketball schedule. There were eight games in four different locations. This is doable on a normal weekend, but I had plans to be with a girlfriend in Chicago and TJ had long-standing plans for much of Saturday. I immediately panicked, heading straight into fight or flight. TJ immediately followed suit. Here we were after a gorgeous weekend — one in which I had actually paused on several occasions to savor the beauty and warmth — practically screaming at each other. The issue at hand (being in more than one place at one time) had immediately morphed into something else as I threw onto the fire feelings of guilt (who did I think I was leaving town again for personal pleasure?) and as TJ threw onto the fire his own emotional fuel.
It wasn’t until after I bailed on the circular discussion and plopped myself on my bed that I remembered the card’s message:
“Ask others (including me) to help you, instead of trying to do everything by yourself”.
As if on cue, Max walked in suggesting that maybe I ask one of his teammate’s parents if he could spend part of the weekend with them.
DUH.
Yes, delegate!
Yes, ask for help!
Yes, ask YOU Green Tara, who I now know to be the mother of all buddhas and to be associated with enlightened activity and abundance, to guide me through my emotions and back to the completely manageable issue at hand.
Ask YOU Green Tara, one manifestation of universal source energy, to guide me back to my husband for conversation and to curiosity about how and why we had both gotten so triggered.
Even though I DO ask other parents for help with rides and childcare, sometimes there is shame and self-doubt about doing so and taking up too much time for ME and my projects and not making more sacrifices for my kids and my husband. And, there is the ever present, but thankfully lessening in intensity what will others think of me skirting my parental duties?! I know I’m not alone as a mom in the 21st century in my doubts. I know I need these challenges and divine reminders to help remove and replace whatever cultural message I’ve adopted about mother equaling martyr. I know in my heart that martyrdom and acquiescence to limiting social norms is not healthy, but sometimes my head forgets.
I write this as a reminder to me and to all that it truly takes a village.
Ask for what you need and offer what you can.
I found this quote on a Tibetan Culture website while researching the Green Tara.
“When we chant the Green Tara mantra, we are not simply asking for Tara’s blessings and help with our lives and our “real world” problems. Actually, we are also asking to be liberated from the misery of the mental delusions and negative emotions that blind us to true freedom, and to achieve the same enlightened body, speech and mind that Tara represents, not only for our own benefit, but for the benefit of all sentient beings.”
om tare tuttare ture soha
Amen, sister.
It doesn’t get much more spiritual than that.