Seeing gray

I first became aware of my black or white thinking in college. I was a sophomore and suffering my first real bout of insomnia. All my peers were picking majors and the mere thought of deciding what I wanted to do for the rest of my life squeezed the very breath out of me. I was fine being busy throughout the day, but the second my sweet, young head hit the pillow, ¡pow! the adrenaline kicked in at full force. What if I picked the wrong degree?! Attempting to let my roommate sleep, I’d pace the dorm hallways until I ended up in the computer lab where I’d often e-mail my dad at the wee hours of the morning, the reason for which he sent me my first self-help book. I don’t remember the name or the title of the yellow paperback, but I do remember being intrigued by the author’s ability to describe so well the inner workings of my mind. This = good. That = bad. Don’t mess it up or shit will go bad. Continue reading Seeing gray

Claiming my voice and karmic consequences

My most recent blog took me longer to compose, but upon finishing it, I was quite proud. I felt I had succeeded in putting form to the message begging to come forth. Articulation was rough, but I stuck with it because I could feel it pulsing within me, and because while wrestling with my words I experienced flow, absolutely absorbed and 100% engaged. I was pretty giddy about posting, and as I often do, I asked TJ to take a look before I shared with my little world. Continue reading Claiming my voice and karmic consequences