Month: March 2016

I first became aware of my black or white thinking in college. I was a sophomore and suffering my first real bout of insomnia. All my peers were picking majors and the mere thought of deciding what I wanted to do for the rest of my life squeezed the very breath out of me. I was fine being busy throughout the day, but the second my sweet, young head hit the pillow, ¡pow! the adrenaline kicked in at full force. What if I picked the wrong degree?! Attempting to let my roommate sleep, I’d pace the dorm hallways until I ended up in the computer lab where I’d often e-mail my dad at the wee hours of the morning, the reason for which he sent me my first self-help book. I don’t remember the name or the title of the yellow paperback, but I do remember being intrigued by the author’s ability to describe so well the inner workings of my mind. This = good. That = bad. Don’t mess it up or shit will go bad. Continue reading Seeing gray

Some part of me believes that today I should feel either balanced or jubilant. After all it’s the first day of Spring, the Equinox, one of only two days a year when we experience near perfect balance between night and day, light and dark. But I am feeling neither balanced nor jubilant, and the voice in my head is incessantly chattering away: Continue reading Spring equinox

My most recent blog took me longer to compose, but upon finishing it, I was quite proud. I felt I had succeeded in putting form to the message begging to come forth. Articulation was rough, but I stuck with it because I could feel it pulsing within me, and because while wrestling with my words I experienced flow, absolutely absorbed and 100% engaged. I was pretty giddy about posting, and as I often do, I asked TJ to take a look before I shared with my little world. Continue reading Claiming my voice and karmic consequences